worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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