he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
