Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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