i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
are you so shy because you have an std?
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
