If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
