I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
