i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
