R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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