Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Then you guys just all showered together...?
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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