I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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