what day is it and did you see me today?
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
