I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
