I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
