walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
