The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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