We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
