Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
