so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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