No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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