what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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