I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
