You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
