He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
