worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I intend to get homeless drunk
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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