I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
