two words: eviction party
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
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