Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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