some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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