There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
