me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
