I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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