Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
