sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
