Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
