I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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