U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
