We're like a lot better than the average bears
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
