Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Randomize
