Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
