dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize