He asked to "fluff my boner.."
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I am available for nakedness
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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