I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
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