Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
