would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Say something about gay babies.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Randomize
