I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
