I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
