A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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