I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
