You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
