So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Randomize
