Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
