The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
My bed smells like the plague
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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