Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
