if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Randomize
