So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Randomize
