I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Randomize
