Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
