i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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