I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
