So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
he just fucked me for my cheese..
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
