She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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