I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
