Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Randomize
