How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Randomize