Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
