you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
