no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
it's great music for shaving your balls
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
