Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I stole a fireplace last night.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
This is classic penis vs brain.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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