We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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