Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
