I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
