just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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